The Notes of a Cancerous Girl. February 2015

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Friday-Tuesday, January 30-February 3, 2015 Is this the end? Does the last chemo qualify as the end of the treatment? Does it end the cancer? Will it be the beginning of a new life? Is this the last chemo? Is this the last treatment? There are so many questions, but for the moment in time, I am taking a deep breath believing that this is the end. I didn’t wait for the last cycle, my superstitious self was afraid to look that far forward though, of course, I knew the day – Tuesday, February 3, 2015. And the day has come, at last. The New York Presbyterian Weill Cornell admission office …

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The Notes of a Cancerous Girl. January 2015

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Friday-Thursday, January 2-8, 2015 Hospital’s 5 day chemo stays are depressing, but even more saddening are hospitalizations between the chemos. I added to my collection two extra stays by now, and I was going to do anything to make sure not to end up in the ED again. The “between the chemo time” should be about fun, family and recovery. On Sunday, I scheduled an appointment with David’s Bridal to check out some dressed for my mom. I am quite skeptical about the dress’ choices for bride’s mom in Belarus, so we could at least buy something here and forget about it. My mom and I had a really good time at the …

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The Notes of a Cancerous Girl. December 2014

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Friday – Tuesday, November 28- December 2, 2014 I started the last weekend of November with another round of chemotherapy – my 3rd cycle. I was staying again in 10th Central, but my room, unlike on all other occasions was by the door and not the window. Everything went according to plan, Rituxan was given first (with no side effects), then four 24- hour bags (luckily, 2 last bags were speeded up to the rate of 55 ml/h) and the very last 1-hour bag. This cycle took only 95 continuous hours of chemo. By now, I am also quite familiar with the chemo protocol. I come to the 10th floor of the NY Presbyterian hospital, nurses put me …

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The Notes of a Cancerous Girl. November 2014.

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First chemo treatment caused terrible side effects, left me scared and mentally unprepared. However, I knew that the first step was the hardest one and hoped that it would only get better. The learning curve has never been so steep, and neither was adaptation or acceptance of the conditions and events. Later, I would know that for me, each chemo cycle breaks into several stages: 120 hours of chemo, when I am in the hospital and feel progressively tired but actually ok. immediate post-chemo days, usually it goes for 4-5 days when I feel “dead”, as I call it. Time, that I spent on a sofa, with a New Yorker or a book …

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The Notes of a Cancerous Girl. October 2014

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I started this blog in September, 2014 when I was diagnosed with the primary mediastinal diffuse large B-cell lymphoma located near my heart. Prior, I had very little knowledge of cancer, its types and treatments but when I was finally facing the cruel diagnosis, I realized that the more I knew, the better I would be prepared to deal with it. It definitely helped to search online and read other people’s posts and comments about their ordeals, but some little questions still arose – would power port installation hurt, how would chemo or post-chemo feel, do I need somebody around me after chemo or I can handle it on my own …

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The Notes of a Cancerous Girl. September 2014.

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I am not a Cancer but I have one. It came unannounced, since I had no side effects except for the nightly drenching sweats, and quietly settled inside my chest. When it grew large and comfortable, it pushed aside my heart and lungs making my body convulse in pain. And this is when it got discovered. The following notes aren’t going to be my typical travel diary but day-to- day journey through the doctor’s appointments, moods and thoughts while dealing with the disease.  I used to skip news about cancer, considering it irrelevant to me since I came from a family with no cancer history and thought it would never affect me and …

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Happy Anniversary.

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It has been one of the most beautiful years, thanks to you. You let me be myself, yet your presence in my life, taught me quite a few things. You always made me feel loved and cared about, you always stood by me and my decisions. You were my greatest fan and faithful friend. You, who I can no longer live without.  Happy Anniversary, babychka! P.S. And never forget how much fun we have along the way….

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